- 2:35am: we await anxiously for the flood of people we expect to show up, be jealous at our amazing spots in line, and kick themselves for not getting up 15 minutes earlier to beat us to the course.
- 3:00am: single Canadian guy arrives. Procedes to tell slightly uncomfortable stories about Niagara Falls strippers and steals coffee and pastries from a local hotel (I only stole coffee, he was over the line).
- 4:00am: the concrete around the starters shack starts to feel comfortable. Or I’ve officially lost all feeling in my legs and ass.
- 4:30am: single Finnish guy arrives. Can’t understand that we showed up at 2:30am. Not sure if it was the language barrier or the fact that it was incomprehensible that someone would show up that early for golf.
- 4:45am: Canadian guy starts to bug me so I batten down the hatches and try to catch some z’s by sitting on my golf towel on the concrete and leaning against the concrete starters shack. Bad idea in retrospect. Got a couple “You’re a dumbshit” calls from my caddy early in the round as I couldn’t finish my swing without my back seizing.
- 5:15am: cool Midwest couple show up. Harrington gets adopted by the rich couple. He’s now in their will.
- 5:45am: weird Asian dude shows up in matching top and bottom track suit rain gear. No engrish. Tries to cut in line. Dave tackles him.
- 6:15am: First actual tee time shows up. Everyone in line is burning with jealousy but doesn’t want to show it in the hopes they won’t deny us joining their groups. Cash bribes are discussed and we pool our quids.
- 6:30am: Starter shows up and Dave and I are in the first group with a twosome from Nigeria. We hug and weep. People uncomfortably avert their eyes.
- 6:45am: I realize that sitting on concrete for 4 hours isn’t good for your swing. All of the sudden, the road left of the 18 fairway comes into play…
- 7:00am: Our tee time is called from the R&A and we both pipe our drives down the middle. Not so much for our playing partners who just picked up the game 5 years ago.
- The Round: Being the first guys out of the gate, we ended up finishing in 3:30. Average rounds from both me and Dave and a need for some serious redemption on many of the holes. I was a circus and my caddy loved pointing it out. Dave and I had great caddies, both great guys. My guy was actually pretty professional until I told him that I heard the St. Andrews Club members were a bunch of assholes, of which he’s a member. After that, I got the “Great shot for a little shit” or “If you Americans knew how to play real golf, you might actually score well on this
course.” The worst came when, after going into my seventh pot bunker of the day on the 16 green (getting out in one shot on all but one) I felt bad for my chain-smoking caddy and decided to rake it for him. He
tried to stop me but I insisted. As I was getting out, I leaned on the rake to help climb out and the damn thing snapped at the head. I’ve never seen a big man laugh that hard. I took a picture of him and told him I wanted to show everyone I had Shrek caddy for me today. I asked him if he played Rugby in high school and he said, "no, street fighting." I believe him. Dave and I ended up finishing the round well, both scoring pars on the final hole to shoot in the 80's. Not bad for never playing the course and preparing for the round like a homeless person.
- 10:30am: Our caddies tell us they’d try to get us on tomorrow and would caddy for us again. Bryan, my caddy, tells me to take some of the shit out of my heavy bag tomorrow if I could. I open my bag and pull out the four small bottles of whisky, a cribbage board, four cigars, and the two sets of rain gear I was packing. He didn’t think it was as funny as I did.
- 10:35am: Chatted with our playing partners, real estate developers in Nigeria and abroad. Exchanged email addresses and listened to the pros and cons of having two wives.
- 11:00am: Hustled back to the hotel and went to the suite to watch Juvy and Harrington come up 16 and tee of
f on 17. Decaf coffee and beer are poured.
- 11:30am: Still no sign of the guys. The other half of the Nigerian contingency was playing so slow, their caddies were openly talking about it. Walking past us, I overheard a caddy tell a lady that he couldn’t stop and take her picture because he was on “Caddy overtime”.
- 12:00pm: The fellas appear. Juvy shanks his approach OB on 16 and proceeds to try to give us sign language to tell us where his ball went… We saw dude.
- 12:10pm: Harrington bombs his drive over the “O” in Course. Juvy takes it over the logo. Both great drives on the Road Hole.
- 12:15pm: Clothes change. Race off to see the fellas finish.
- 12:45pm: Juvy gets a filthy up and down for par out of the deep rough on 18. The crowd literally went wild. Biggest roar of applause we’d heard the entire trip on that hole when he drained that putt.
Off to Carnoustie for the afternoon round.
2:30pm: Arrive at Carnoustie. No one is looking forward to the beating we’re likely going to take on this course. The smell of fear permeates the car.
2:45pm: Old guy from the hotel blows me off completely in the Carnoustie pro shop after I say something about his hat. Some people just can’t take a joke.
2:46pm: Juvy disappears for his 3rd deuce of the day. This guy destroyed more bathrooms in the UK than the Germans.
3:10pm: We get our caddies. I ask who wants the heavy bag without realizing the only caddy without a bag was the oldest guy of the bunch. He realized he was in for a long day.
3:20pm: Tee balls fly on one of the most spectacular courses in the world.
4:00pm: Old Course ballot results are posted for Saturday… 7:10am: D Parrish, R Neal, J Jiovanazzo, R Harrington – West Seattle Golf Club. And there was much rejoicing.
The Round: Carnoustie turned out to be one of all of our favorite courses of the trip. It had so much character, so much history, and wasn’t as unfair and difficult as everyone had said. There’s a great potential to score and the course was in such great shape. My caddy was in my head. He was not that great of a c
addy when it came to reading putts and shot selection, but he was dead on accurate with distance and was an amazing guy from a personality standpoint. We talked about everything Scottish from his family Burn’s Night traditions to his 
daughter’s Scottish cooking on Hogmanay. Great time and great scores. The tradition out at Carnoustie just blows you away. Despite the fact that Dave and I both yanked our drives OB left on Hogan’s Alley, it was pretty cool to get a picture of the commemorative stone (even though I had to send my old caddy running back there to get the shot since I forgot the first time – he earned a little extra for the 
effort) and very cool to walk by Nicklaus’s bunker. The layout was superb and the greens were fair. All the makings of a great golf course.
6:35pm: We ask the caddies to take our picture. Billy, Jeff's caddy asks if we want clubs. Dave says no clubs. Billy says, "Well I just didn't want you to look like four gay boys on holiday." We took the clubs.
7:30pm: Tee off on 18 at dusk with Doc Brown’s clock tower in the distance.
7:40pm: Juvy gets a neck cramp from sleeping like Vivi in a car seat with his head lolled to the side.
8:59pm: Juvy gets second neck cramp from passing out on the arm of the couch. Forgot to write that Juvy and I lightened my bag by drinking the scotch and smoking a cigar on Carnoustie.
After finishing the most exhausting day of golf we’ve ever played, we hit the sack early with Road Hole wishes and Hell Bunker dreams.
No comments:
Post a Comment